You threw me down. but I'm gonna fly

Due to some "technical difficulties" It seems like all D2L has gone down. Just like a mighty phoenix, this blog has been resurrected to show off my first lesson plan.

Romeo and Juliet: Character Analysis of Romeo

This is meant for grades 9-10 and takes 50 minutes

By: Max Thiede

Lesson Description: Using Romeo and Juliet, we will examine the personality of Romeo from “Romeo and Juliet”.  Students will present a trait they see in Romeo and Juliet, including those that conflict. They will be required to back up their arguments using textual evidence when talking about Juliet. They will also know how to look up this trait in a dictionary. 

Text Description: Romeo and Juliet is a tragedy about two young lovers named Romeo and Juliet. They wish to marry, but their parents forbid it due to a fierce rivalry. Once Romeo and Juliet both die for each other, their parents reconcile their differences. It is written written by William Shakespeare.

Learning Objectives	CCSS Addressed
Children will be able to explain, using sources from the text, what kind of character they think Juliet is, and why they believe that he is how they describe.	CCSS.ELA-LITERACY.RL.9-10.1: Cite strong and thorough textual evidence to support analysis of what the text says explicitly as well as inferences drawn from the text.
Children will be able to think about all the ways Romeo and Juliet are described by classmates and come to a decision that either justifies the adjective they use to describe Romeo or Juliet, or is contrary to it.	CCSS.ELA-LITERACY.SL.9-10.1.D: Respond thoughtfully to diverse perspectives, summarize points of agreement and disagreement, and, when warranted, qualify or justify their own views and understanding and make new connections in light of the evidence and reasoning presented.
Children will be able to look up words in the dictionary, understand their meaning and learn how to pronounce them.	CCSS.ELA-LITERACY.L.9-10.4.C: Consult general and specialized reference materials (e.g., dictionaries, glossaries, thesauruses), both print and digital, to find the pronunciation of a word or determine or clarify its precise meaning, its part of speech, or its etymology.

Pre-Teaching Procedure: Group Discussion (10 minutes)

1. Begin the class by talking about how they felt about the story and how they think about the characters. Are they smart? Are they good? Are they bad?

2. Ask the class how they feel about Romeo.
a. Explore the ways the students describe him.
b. Make students wonder, if they haven’t already, if Romeo is a reasonable person.
i. This is done by offering examples of Romeo contrary to the ones they bring up. For example, if they are talking about how loyal Romeo is, bring up Rosaline.

3. CCSS Objectives that can be taught : CCSS.ELA-LITERACY.SL.9-10.1.D
a. In the discussion students will be given several diverse perspectives on how Romeo is viewed. Some may agree and disagree on how Romeo is described and will have to “Respond thoughtfully to diverse perspectives, summarize points of agreement and disagreement, and, when warranted, qualify or justify their own views and understanding and make new connections in light of the evidence and reasoning presented.” Through the ten tips for facilitating large group discussions” the teacher is presenting ways that a student can engage in this topic while adhering to CCSS. (McCann 15)

4. Rationale: In “Talking in Class” by Thomas McCann, McCann reminds us that “Meir reminds us that active, frequent engagement in meaningful discussion not only promotes learning of the skills and substance of a particular subject but fosters an environment of tolerance critical thinking, and democratic spirit” (McCann 5). In my class I am trying to create a space where everyone feels accepted. I ask how they feel about the script to make sure that they are ready for a more intermediate discussion on how they feel about a particular character. I intend to follow the “ten tips for facilitating large group discussions” (McCann 15) to ensure that every student feels like they are contributing to the conversation. This discussion will also help students think about the next project they have later on in the class.

Teaching Activity: Walkthrough (9 minutes) 

1. As a class, agree on one word that describes Romeo.

2. Have the class find one scene to that proves that this word describes Romeo, if they haven’t already figured one out.

3. As a class, then we will look that word up in the dictionary, with the teacher explaining how to look things up in a dictionary, step by step.

4. At the end, the teacher presents what the class did. This will include the following things:
a. Who the character is
b.The word
c. Its definition in the dictionary
d. Proving that this word is true by citing dialogue from the text.

EXAMPLE:

Character: Romeo
Word: Brave
Definition: Ready to face and endure danger or pain; showing courage
Cited Source: "Tybalt, here slain, whom Romeo's hand did slay;"
Connection:  Romeo is willing to fight Tybalt, proving he is ready to face danger

5. CCSS Objectives being taught: CCSS.ELA-LITERACY.RL.9-10.1, CCSS.ELA-LITERACY.L.9-10.4.C

a. Students are being taught how to analyze a text by finding a quote that supports their argument.
b. Students are being taught to “Present information, findings, and supporting evidence clearly, concisely, and logically such that listeners can follow the line of reasoning”. They can use me as an example to follow.
c. While it is only the print, students are being taught on how to “consult general and specialized material to find the pronunciation of the word… [and] clarify its precise meaning.” Finding words using digital material can be done in another lesson.

6. Rationale:

a. As McCann says: “Another strategy for encouraging more authentic discussion of literature is to help students learn to run and participate in discussions on their own without the teacher leading.” (McCann 83) By teaching them how to do this before, they can focus more on participating in a deeper discussion.

Learning Activity 1: Small Group Discussion (17 minutes)

1. Split the students into groups of 4-5. Each group must come up with a unique word that they think best describes Juliet. As a group, it is their job to prove that this word correctly describes Juliet.


1. The Presentation will include the following:
a. The word
b. Its definition in the dictionary
c. Proving that this word describes the character by citing two sources from the text.

3. CCSS Objectives met: CCSS.ELA-LITERACY.RL.9-10.1 CCSS.ELA-LITERACY.L.9-10.4.C
a. Cite strong and thorough textual evidence to support analysis of what the text says explicitly as well as inferences drawn from the text.
b. Students are required to “Consult general and specialized reference materials both print and digital, to find the pronunciation of a word or determine or clarify its precise meaning.” They do this by using the dictionary they are given.

4. Rationale:
a. The presentation format is kept the same,  because as McCann says: “Another strategy for encouraging more authentic discussion of literature is to help students learn to run and participate in discussions on their own without the teacher leading.” (McCann 83) By teaching them how to do this before, they can focus on how the issue at hand.I am focusing on Juliet, as it is possible that all information on Romeo has been exhausted by the class in the time we spoke, and students might just copy my work and do nothing else.
b. I am also following strategies from “Talking in Class” because “students learn best when they are involved and can contribute to the lesson”. (McCann 35) For those too nervous to speak in large groups, these small groups can help them learn the best possible way they can, with an alleviation of nervousness. I am using the “Planning and Managing Small Group Discussion”(McCann 35) to ensure that students feel ready to talk in these small groups.

Learning Activity 2: Exit Slip (7 minutes)

1. Each student will reflect on what they think of Romeo or Juliet as a character and how it changed over today.
a. This does not have to be done in a professional manner.

2. CCSS Objectives met: CCSS.ELA-LITERACY.SL.9-10.1.D:
a. During this writing response, students are expected to “Respond thoughtfully to diverse perspectives, summarize points of agreement and disagreement, and, when warranted, qualify or justify their own views and understanding and make new connections in light of the evidence and reasoning presented.”

3. Rationale:
a. According to Adlit.org, “Exit Slips help students reflect on what they have learned and express what or how they are thinking about the new information.” Because the students were just bombarded with a lot of new information in the presentations, I would like to take this as an opportunity for the children to think about how characters can be described. The second is because “while some students can readily express their ideas verbally, other students… may be reluctant to share their responses.” (Beach 188) Up until the exit slip, most of the dialogue has been with others. To ensure that these low level participants are given a place to do express their opinions without the anxiety that can come public expression, they are given these freewrites.

Overall Rationale:

Central Focus: Being able to express how which characterize people is very important. Knowing how a character works allows for a deeper understanding of the character and analysis of themes. If a student begins to think about a character in a different light, an entire story is changed. Romeo and Juliet’s relationship could go from true love to truly idiots, and neither of these opinions are wrong. This leads me to the CCSS.ELA-LITERACY.SL.9-10.1.D, as I believe that children will have a lot of different opinions on these characters ranging from annoying to romantic, and as long as can argue it well, it’s not wrong. I have chosen both Romeo and Juliet as my two main characters to be analyzed because they both have the most amounts of lines, and are present throughout the novel. This should give students more than enough examples to find in the text that support their ideas. Though, due to the open ended nature of my lesson, if the class finds a different character particularly divisive, we could to it on them instead, and not much would change.

Pedagogy: According to Talking in Class “Cognitive psychologists observe that meaningful interaction among students is not just a philosophically attractive aspect of school; it is essential to learning” (McCann 5). Not only this, but also “discussion helps us put thoughts together and sometimes discover what we know.” (McCann 8) Everyone has an opinion on anything, so I know that these students will have them on characters from Romeo and Juliet as well. I am just helping them realize their own skills and hone their ability to make arguments. This is why I made sure to have group discussion, then small groups, then singular. I give them the most guidance, to help them show their own prowess. That courage and scaffolding allows them to be a bit more talkative in their small groups, where they can go deeper and examine their feelings intimately. Lastly, they are given thoughts to themselves in order to reflect on their now known knowledge. This is done for two main reasons. The first reason is to make sure the student can “Respond thoughtfully to diverse perspectives, summarize points of agreement and disagreement, and, when warranted, qualify or justify their own views and understanding and make new connections in light of the evidence and reasoning presented.” As this is one of the main objectives of the course. The second is because “while some students can readily express their ideas verbally, other students… may be reluctant to share their responses.” (Beach 188) Up until the exit slip, most of the dialogue has been with others. To ensure that these low level participants are given a place to do express their opinions without the anxiety that can come public expression, they are given these freewrites.

Works Cited:

McCann, Thomas M. Talking in Class: Using Discussion to Enhance Teaching and Learning. Urbana, IL: National Council of Teachers of English, 2006. Print.

Shakespeare, William, and David Garrick. Romeo and Juliet. London: Cornmarket P., 1969. Print.

Anonymous. "All About Adolescent Literacy." Exit Slips. Adlit.org, unknown. Web. 17 Apr. 2016. <http://www.adlit.org/strategies/19805/>.

Shakespeare, William. Romeo and Juliet. Ed. Dympna Callaghan. Boston: Bedford Books/St. Martin’s Press, 2003.

Fisher, D., and Frey, N. (2004). Improving Adolescent Literacy: Strategies at Work. New Jersey: Pearson Prentice Hall.

Beach, Richard. Teaching Literature to Adolescents. Mahwah, NJ: L. Erlbaum Associates, 2006. Print.

Thanks for Playing!

Well everyone, this is it. The last post ever (maybe). As such , I am going to highlight some of my "best" work. Yes, I know, it's foolish to discern between the plethora of perfect works I have created, but dang it, I will try!

Most Professional: Knock Knock, Get the Door, it's Digital Storytelling

I must admit, I find the concept of "most professional" rather silly. I have never really tried to speak in a professional manner. Like the late Justice Scalia, I find it that people find readings more interesting if you give them strength and emotion. I feel like my writing in this post went over pretty well, and I am very proud of it.

Best Design: I think without a doubt it is my Writers Profile

I like it because it's short, sweet, and gets to the point. Much like my rationale! I don't think there's much else to add, other than this is what the full image of my profile looks like:

what a looker!

Most Creative: Show and Tell

I thought this was the most obvious because I literally went out and created that bad boy. The rest of my blog posts were me interacting with things through writing, not making a movie. It was also a lot of fun.

what most thought of my video

People's Choice: Me (Probably)

"I know the Haitian People because I am the Haitian people." -Papa Doc

Like all other great men before me, I am nothing without the voice of my people (the ones who say what I want them to, anyway. Dissent looks bad on the news.) I look to you, my loyal audience, to determine my fate.

My vote, as important as it may be, goes to Travis. His blog is very well written, has some sweet images, and he did the baseball thing when no one else would. For that I am in his debt. I highly recommend it to any other readers.

I wish you all the best in all future endeavors,

Max Thiede

Show and Tell

This week I did a digital composition project. Admittedly, I forced myself to keep a the time I spent on the project to be 40 minutes, as I know that my perfectionism would lead me to endlessly polish this for several hours, despite being "mini".  I present Book Trailer: Steel Ball Run

While I admit that this product is relatively poorly polished compared to my other work, I had a lot of fun doing it. In Confronting the Challenges of Participatory Culture: Media Education for the 21st Century, Jenkins explores the use of play in learning.

"When children are deep at play they engage with the fierce, intense attention that we’d like to see them apply to their schoolwork. Interestingly enough, no matter how intent and focused a child is at that play, maybe even grimly determined they may be at that gameplay, if you asked them afterwards, they will say that they were having fun. So, the fun of game play is not non-stop mirth but rather the fun of engaging of attention that demands a lot of you and rewards that effort." (Jenkins 2006)

When I think about all that I had to do I was surprised how much that was related to the book. I had to correctly identify several characters from the text and determine which individuals should be included. This, along with my summary, showed off my knowledge of the book's content. 

That's not all, though. I also had to determine a good song to fit in the background. I chose "Personal Jesus" by Depeche Mode, because a common theme through the story is salvation through the use of Steel Ball Run. For example, Gyro needs the money to pardon a child in Italy abd Sandman wants to win the race so he can save his tribe from poverty and be welcomed again. What's also neat is that  I got to tune the film up to different parts of the song (albeit somewhat poorly) as a way to transition to different parts. 

This was a very interesting learning experience because it didn't feel like learning. It just felt like me fooling around on Windows Movie Maker for a while. I didn't actually realize how much I learned or analyzed in the text until I looked at it now. It's like I was being tricked to learn. As a result, I highly recommend trying to do this in the class because it's educational and isn't just a plain old grind.

RIP

https://soundcloud.com/crapmashups/free-takyon

Knock Knock. Get the Door, It's Digital Storytelling.

Digital Storytelling is something that I've always found very interesting and fun. By using film-based technology, students create a project about the things they learned. Naturally, it has become quite popular in the information era, and there are PILES of examples of multimedia on the internet. My current favorite at the moment is History of Japan.

As you may have guessed, the video is about the history of Japan. It's a very informative video which covered a surprisingly good amount of knowledge. But this doesn't only show off his knowledge of the text. It shows he knows  how to create vocal recordings, create musical recordings, and incorporate graphic design and light instrumentals to help enhance his message. Digital Storytelling helped him not only know the information, but helped him master multimedia software.

While I do find it very entertaining and fun, Digital Storytelling can take forever to do, especially because not all students have prior knowledge with the software. It's a long process, and it's not always going to help to know how to use things like Audacity in their later lives. I don't think that I would try and actively teach it in class, because it's a lot of time that could be spent teaching other things, like:

All jokes aside, there's a lot of thing an educator has to do. While I do think that Digital Storytelling would be fun, I also think that there's a lot of things that would make it too difficult with the time constraints. Maybe if it was a class project it could work, but it could easily take 1-2 classes setting up the presentation, 2-3 days creating the project, and 1-2 showing off the finished product. Best case scenario that is 4 days, worst case is 7, which may be the norm on the first run through. Admittedly, I probably will flirt with the idea because I think it's a lot of fun and can help people interact with things other then just the books. I really liked using Storybird. It's a really great software that is very easy to use. I just feel there's a lot more we could do with our time as educators.

On Being a Writing Coach

Hi everyone, I'm back and here to talk to you about being a writing coach. Firstly, I think it's loads of fun. Helping others, building a connection, examining grammatical usage, it's all pretty dang fun. One of the biggest things I noticed is that no writer is the same. Each person has their own unique writing style and have their own strengths and pitfalls. To think that generic critique is good is a very dangerous mindset. One of my writers was very bad at using commas, so I made sure to emphasize their incorrect usage of commas. I even offered them websites to provide them extra support. By being nice and friendly, these tasks can be a lot of fun!

Of course writing coaches are not the only ones who are going to offer help. Many students are told to give peer reviews to their fellow peers. I've always been conflicted on how this works. Some writers are better than others, some people are more interested in feedback than others, some people are better at giving feedback. Like I said earlier, no writer is the same. So who do you pair people up with? Personally, I believe that good writers and bad writers should work together. This philosophy comes from my childhood when I watched Malcolm in the Middle. In the Episode "Tutoring Reese", Malcolm helps his brother Reese by cheating on his test. After Malcolm, the smart one, fails the test, They realize that Reese's teacher does have a bias against him. Near the end of the episode, Malcolm's Mother Lois is having a conversation with a teacher.

"Malcolm in the Middle" (2000-2006)

 The Teacher says "Here’s the situation: If you notify the school, then the school will find out that Malcolm cheated, he’ll be expelled."

 Lois says  "Let me explain something to you. I would sell Malcolm down the river in a heartbeat to save Reese.  Malcolm’s gonna be fine no matter what happens. Maybe he’ll go to have to junior college or start off Blue Collar or something but he'll do fine. Reese is the one who needs saving."

I find this scene really important because it realizes that the proficient can do well by themselves. Those struggling do need help. Sure, when you pit a good writer with a bad one, the bad one's revisions will be useless. But, the bad one will get very good tips from someone else. This is important because by having two bad writers peer review, they will get nothing out of it. This is especially tragic for the bad writer who wants to a good writer because they're getting nothing from other bad writers revisions.

What can help give the good students better revision is by offering teacher reviews as well. As a teacher, it is very important to give feedback. Teachers are the masters who are supposed to know everything. By the end of their check, nearly everything should have been corrected, or, at the very least, noted upon. It's important to keep a balance, however. In "Learning to Praise" by Donald Daiker, Daiker explores the importance of giving praise. Many teachers don't give much praise. Apparently, only 007% of in marginal comments were positive. (Daiker) This isn't good because like I said earlier, the teacher is the master. Without giving positive feedback, they're learning that their writing isn't good. It's only negative While it is only implied, it doesn't help that we're not giving comments. It does nothing other than to drain morale and love of writing.

Lastly, I just want to emphasize that there is a lot that goes into revision. You can't just stick one grade on all because they're all so different. Realization of this individuality is key to not only revision, but education, problem solving, and critically thinking.

Planner? I hardly know her!

Reading "A Cognitive Process Theory of Writing" by Flower and Hayes was a bizarre time. In it, the duo talks about the process it takes to write papers. Not gonna lie, I never really thought about a process. Usually I just start writing and let my brain go wild on the paper. Not like Strong Bad wild, but I could never find the importance of prior planning when it comes to writing.

In 10th grade, my teacher noticed how poorly my charisma translated when doing discussions to actual speeches. She said I became a lot more robotic, rigid, and monotone. The more I thought about it, the more she was right. By creating a detailed outline I feel like I am trapped into doing those lines and those lines only, even if they only sound good on the page. Ever since then I have felt like I betray myself when I don't live in the moment.

Honestly, I tried so dang hard to follow the steps of the paper, and I just couldn't do it. I kept having difficulty articulating what I wanted to say, deciding what to say, and deciding what is not as smart. When I did say something, it felt awkward. I tried for about an hour and got pretty much nothing done other than a paragraph. Now I'm just back to my old, ranty, self and I feel great about writing this.

Of course there are drawbacks to this. I reread this for the sake Flower and Hayes, and I asked myself:  "Does my hyperlink of a Strong Bad email help or hinder my argument?" When I ask how it relates, I can't really justify having it in there. I mean yes, it does show how some people can go gung-ho and write, but I feel like it doesn't add much to my argument. There are probably much better examples I could use. I could easily have added one of those "TOP TEN IMPROVISED FILM MOMENTS" to justify how a person can do their own thing and create a powerful moment without pre-planning. But honestly I cringe at those kind of videos. To add something different would be lying about who I am.


But obviously, not everyone is like me. Some people prefer the order, the stability, and the calm that comes with proper planning, and as an educator I gotta make sure that I can show them how to do it that way. It'd be super awkward if I told a student to follow your heart when they aren't as headstrong as  I am. I need to look out for all those children because something don' t work out for everyone. Some people can get lost, and that's why I really like the idea of having a goal orientated system for learning. If a person is lost, and can't figure out where to go next, they can go back and reread their goal. To some, Climbing a mountain is a lot less intimidating when you're just focusing on the next 10 steps.

This why America did so poorly in the Vietnam war 

To argue that either way, planning fully ahead, or writing in the moment is bad is completely wrong. Both of the processes are very good, but both have a time and place for everything. Would someone want me to be fun, excited, and lively at a funeral? I'd say no. That is not the time. In fact, at my Grandmother's funeral I wrote out I want to say because to make jokes or puns would be in terrible taste. I know I said that I hate doing writing ahead, but to refuse to acknowledge the cons of my methods would have been disastrous. 

It's important to find a style that fits us, but as educators we need to find a lot of processes that work for all. We can only do this by expanding our knowledge through syncretism. Eventually you can find enough different ways to think about things, and you can pick and choose what works best.

Profile

Hi everyone, my name is Max Thiede. I am an English Education Major at UWM.
I'm Max Thiede. I also love to paint, cook, and bake, though my schoolwork has been giving little time to cook for fun. I try to keep an open mind about everything, but in reading I find myself typically drawn to satire, as they can show the pros and cons without arguing for one idea or the other. In my free time I like to go hiking and running. 

I am drawn to education because I believe that giving others the strength to critically think is the greatest gift you can give.

In regards to my last post.

Yesterday, I went to Riverside High School in Milwaukee. While there, I found out about how few rooms there actually had smartboards. This is very problematic because while technology is important, people don't actually have those. By withholding these technologies that give an important step, we are hindering the power that teachers have to enhance their students lives. But on the flip side, certain schools do have only 30% attendance rate. Are these children really deserving of a high quality education when they don't show up? I'm honestly quite torn because it IS difficult to choose between the few highly dedicated in low income students when you can offer the same things to schools that are more interested? Should we change school from region based to skill based in order to allow those who work harder to get a higher education, or would this only cause those who are struggling with a chance to improve to fall lower and lower in the ranks?

There's a lot of questions we have to ask ourselves as educators and it's very difficult. There are no easy answers for encouraging those to succeed This is why politicians probably come in and try to gain ground and administrate different plans. Politicians make their power based on promises, and education is one of the few areas were we can't seem to instantly improve. So instead we get charlatans who go in and change things without understanding the current system (If you're wondering I have a love/hate relationship with Scott Walker) While sometimes things can improve, politicians tend to be far too away from the grown floor to make reasonable decisions about education.

Allow me to string this mess of a post together... Using tech in the classroom is a very new and experimental thing. Why don't we experiment in lower quality schools in order to see their effects? I can understand that having a consistent control group is important, and low attendance schools can't offer it, but is is possible that technology can be used to better relate, and therefore make lower attendance schools increase attendance? I've been trying to find reports of it, but none talk about much other than the fact of inequality and it's existence. Pedagogy is a science, and we need to approach it as such. You can't just use one type of education to further the course of technology (much like how Med Schools only used to use male bodies).

The highest technological advances come along for two reasons: necessity (polio vaccination) and competition (Coca-Cola). While I realize that it's a bit silly to compare a disease to a soda, it's important to note that we have such a vast selection of high-quality tasting soft drinks because they are trying to compete with Coca-Cola, each finding their own niche market of success. By offering these same technology to different levels, we may find different uses for the technology not shown before. While I think it is expensive, I thinkthe only the way to improve education quality in lower quality schools is not by administering from afar, rather literally getting in there and trying to find ways to improve.

Technology in the Classroom

With the rise of digital technology comes new trends. While mine and the generation before us had chalkboards, more and more classes are getting smartboards. Personally I think that this is a very good thing to happen to education. Things can be much more interactive with the students than ever thought possible. It also makes it so those with bad handwriting can still add to the class without fear of embarrassment from the other students. Another good thing it does is allows a quicker deployment of media. Before it used to be a pain to cart the VCR from class to class, but now it can just be put on the smartboard! It saves tons of time and is much higher quality. The most important thing that digital teaching does is prepare those for the real world. While some older people tend not to use as much technology, it is important to realize that that job sector is becoming increasingly digital in America as industry becomes outsourced.
 Of course this is to say that there are not all pitfalls. Some technology may be difficult to adapt to. The most prominent difficulty I've seen is someone switching UIs from Mac to Windows or Linux. When done without any explanation, a student can be left behind by the class and will struggle to find all the ins, outs, and shortcuts in the new UI. It can also be very distracting. I know I've spent a good chunk of my late junior classes making Gangnam Style themed mashups and hacking into things. Another problem many see (though I find it to be a bit unfounded) is that our technology usage will create more children with ADHD than there ever was before. While this is possible, we have only recently been correctly and accurately diagnosing ADHD. Overall I think digital technology is going to be very important for not only education, but the economy, arts, music, culture, and fostering intellectual growth.

A Modest Proposal by Jonathan Swift

It is a melancholy object to those who walk through this great town or travel in the country, when they see the streets, the roads, and cabin doors, crowded with beggars of the female sex, followed by three, four, or six children, all in rags and importuning every passenger for an alms. These mothers, instead of being able to work for their honest livelihood, are forced to employ all their time in strolling to beg sustenance for their helpless infants: who as they grow up either turn thieves for want of work, or leave their dear native country to fight for the Pretender in Spain, or sell themselves to the Barbadoes. I think it is agreed by all parties that this prodigious number of children in the arms, or on the backs, or at the heels of their mothers, and frequently of their fathers, is in the present deplorable state of the kingdom a very great additional grievance; and, therefore, whoever could find out a fair, cheap, and easy method of making these children sound, useful members of the commonwealth, would deserve so well of the public as to have his statue set up for a preserver of the nation.  But my intention is very far from being confined to provide only for the children of professed beggars; it is of a much greater extent, and shall take in the whole number of infants at a certain age who are born of parents in effect as little able to support them as those who demand our charity in the streets. As to my own part, having turned my thoughts for many years upon this important subject, and maturely weighed the several schemes of other projectors, I have always found them grossly mistaken in the computation. It is true, a child just dropped from its dam may be supported by her milk for a solar year, with little other nourishment; at most not above the value of 2s., which the mother may certainly get, or the value in scraps, by her lawful occupation of begging; and it is exactly at one year old that I propose to provide for them in such a manner as instead of being a charge upon their parents or the parish, or wanting food and raiment for the rest of their lives, they shall on the contrary contribute to the feeding, and partly to the clothing, of many thousands.
There is likewise another great advantage in my scheme, that it will prevent those voluntary abortions, and that horrid practice of women murdering their bastard children, alas! too frequent among us! sacrificing the poor innocent babes I doubt more to avoid the expense than the shame, which would move tears and pity in the most savage and inhuman breast.  The number of souls in this kingdom being usually reckoned one million and a half, of these I calculate there may be about two hundred thousand couple whose wives are breeders; from which number I subtract thirty thousand couples who are able to maintain their own children, although I apprehend there cannot be so many, under the present distresses of the kingdom; but this being granted, there will remain an hundred and seventy thousand breeders. I again subtract fifty thousand for those women who miscarry, or whose children die by accident or disease within the year. There only remains one hundred and twenty thousand children of poor parents annually born. The question therefore is, how this number shall be reared and provided for, which, as I have already said, under the present situation of affairs, is utterly impossible by all the methods hitherto proposed. For we can neither employ them in handicraft or agriculture; we neither build houses (I mean in the country) nor cultivate land: they can very seldom pick up a livelihood by stealing, till they arrive at six years old, except where they are of towardly parts, although I confess they learn the rudiments much earlier, during which time, they can however be properly looked upon only as probationers, as I have been informed by a principal gentleman in the county of Cavan, who protested to me that he never knew above one or two instances under the age of six, even in a part of the kingdom so renowned for the quickest proficiency in that art.  I am assured by our merchants, that a boy or a girl before twelve years old is no salable commodity; and even when they come to this age they will not yield above three pounds, or three pounds and half-a-crown at most on the exchange; which cannot turn to account either to the parents or kingdom, the charge of nutriment and rags having been at least four times that value.  I shall now therefore humbly propose my own thoughts, which I hope will not be liable to the least objection.  I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance in London, that a young healthy child well nursed is at a year old a most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a fricassee or a ragout.  I do therefore humbly offer it to public consideration that of the hundred and twenty thousand children already computed, twenty thousand may be reserved for breed, whereof only one-fourth part to be males; which is more than we allow to sheep, black cattle or swine; and my reason is, that these children are seldom the fruits of marriage, a circumstance not much regarded by our savages, therefore one male will be sufficient to serve four females. That the remaining hundred thousand may, at a year old, be offered in the sale to the persons of quality and fortune through the kingdom; always advising the mother to let them suck plentifully in the last month, so as to render them plump and fat for a good table. A child will make two dishes at an entertainment for friends; and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt will be very good boiled on the fourth day, especially in winter.  I have reckoned upon a medium that a child just born will weigh 12 pounds, and in a solar year, if tolerably nursed, increaseth to 28 pounds.  I grant this food will be somewhat dear, and therefore very proper for landlords, who, as they have already devoured most of the parents, seem to have the best title to the children.  Infant's flesh will be in season throughout the year, but more plentiful in March, and a little before and after; for we are told by a grave author, an eminent French physician, that fish being a prolific diet, there are more children born in Roman Catholic countries about nine months after Lent than at any other season; therefore, reckoning a year after Lent, the markets will be more glutted than usual, because the number of popish infants is at least three to one in this kingdom: and therefore it will have one other collateral advantage, by lessening the number of papists among us.  I have already computed the charge of nursing a beggar's child (in which list I reckon all cottagers, laborers, and four-fifths of the farmers) to be about two shillings per annum, rags included; and I believe no gentleman would repine to give ten shillings for the carcass of a good fat child, which, as I have said, will make four dishes of excellent nutritive meat, when he hath only some particular friend or his own family to dine with him. Thus the squire will learn to be a good landlord, and grow popular among his tenants; the mother will have eight shillings net profit, and be fit for work till she produces another child.  Those who are more thrifty (as I must confess the times require) may flay the carcass; the skin of which artificially dressed will make admirable gloves for ladies, and summer boots for fine gentlemen.  As to our city of Dublin, shambles may be appointed for this purpose in the most convenient parts of it, and butchers we may be assured will not be wanting; although I rather recommend buying the children alive, and dressing them hot from the knife, as we do roasting pigs.  A very worthy person, a true lover of his country, and whose virtues I highly esteem, was lately pleased in discoursing on this matter to offer a refinement upon my scheme. He said that many gentlemen of this kingdom, having of late destroyed their deer, he conceived that the want of venison might be well supplied by the bodies of young lads and maidens, not exceeding fourteen years of age nor under twelve; so great a number of both sexes in every country being now ready to starve for want of work and service; and these to be disposed of by their parents, if alive, or otherwise by their nearest relations. But with due deference to so excellent a friend and so deserving a patriot, I cannot be altogether in his sentiments; for as to the males, my American acquaintance assured me, from frequent experience, that their flesh was generally tough and lean, like that of our schoolboys by continual exercise, and their taste disagreeable; and to fatten them would not answer the charge. Then as to the females, it would, I think, with humble submission be a loss to the public, because they soon would become breeders themselves; and besides, it is not improbable that some scrupulous people might be apt to censure such a practice (although indeed very unjustly), as a little bordering upon cruelty; which, I confess, hath always been with me the strongest objection against any project, however so well intended.  But in order to justify my friend, he confessed that this expedient was put into his head by the famous Psalmanazar, a native of the island Formosa, who came from thence to London above twenty years ago, and in conversation told my friend, that in his country when any young person happened to be put to death, the executioner sold the carcass to persons of quality as a prime dainty; and that in his time the body of a plump girl of fifteen, who was crucified for an attempt to poison the emperor, was sold to his imperial majesty's prime minister of state, and other great mandarins of the court, in joints from the gibbet, at four hundred crowns. Neither indeed can I deny, that if the same use were made of several plump young girls in this town, who without one single groat to their fortunes cannot stir abroad without a chair, and appear at playhouse and assemblies in foreign fineries which they never will pay for, the kingdom would not be the worse.  Some persons of a desponding spirit are in great concern about that vast number of poor people, who are aged, diseased, or maimed, and I have been desired to employ my thoughts what course may be taken to ease the nation of so grievous an encumbrance. But I am not in the least pain upon that matter, because it is very well known that they are every day dying and rotting by cold and famine, and filth and vermin, as fast as can be reasonably expected. And as to the young laborers, they are now in as hopeful a condition; they cannot get work, and consequently pine away for want of nourishment, to a degree that if at any time they are accidentally hired to common labor, they have not strength to perform it; and thus the country and themselves are happily delivered from the evils to come.  I have too long digressed, and therefore shall return to my subject. I think the advantages by the proposal which I have made are obvious and many, as well as of the highest importance.For first, as I have already observed, it would greatly lessen the number of papists, with whom we are yearly overrun, being the principal breeders of the nation as well as our most dangerous enemies; and who stay at home on purpose with a design to deliver the kingdom to the Pretender, hoping to take their advantage by the absence of so many good protestants, who have chosen rather to leave their country than stay at home and pay tithes against their conscience to an episcopal curate.Secondly, The poorer tenants will have something valuable of their own, which by law may be made liable to distress and help to pay their landlord's rent, their corn and cattle being already seized, and money a thing unknown.  Thirdly, Whereas the maintenance of an hundred thousand children, from two years old and upward, cannot be computed at less than ten shillings a-piece per annum, the nation's stock will be thereby increased fifty thousand pounds per annum, beside the profit of a new dish introduced to the tables of all gentlemen of fortune in the kingdom who have any refinement in taste. And the money will circulate among ourselves, the goods being entirely of our own growth and manufacture.Fourthly, The constant breeders, beside the gain of eight shillings sterling per annum by the sale of their children, will be rid of the charge of maintaining them after the first year.Fifthly, This food would likewise bring great custom to taverns; where the vintners will certainly be so prudent as to procure the best receipts for dressing it to perfection, and consequently have their houses frequented by all the fine gentlemen, who justly value themselves upon their knowledge in good eating: and a skilful cook, who understands how to oblige his guests, will contrive to make it as expensive as they please.  Sixthly, This would be a great inducement to marriage, which all wise nations have either encouraged by rewards or enforced by laws and penalties. It would increase the care and tenderness of mothers toward their children, when they were sure of a settlement for life to the poor babes, provided in some sort by the public, to their annual profit instead of expense. We should see an honest emulation among the married women, which of them could bring the fattest child to the market. Men would become as fond of their wives during the time of their pregnancy as they are now of their mares in foal, their cows in calf, their sows when they are ready to farrow; nor offer to beat or kick them (as is too frequent a practice) for fear of a miscarriage.  Many other advantages might be enumerated. For instance, the addition of some thousand carcasses in our exportation of barreled beef, the propagation of swine's flesh, and improvement in the art of making good bacon, so much wanted among us by the great destruction of pigs, too frequent at our tables; which are no way comparable in taste or magnificence to a well-grown, fat, yearling child, which roasted whole will make a considerable figure at a lord mayor's feast or any other public entertainment. But this and many others I omit, being studious of brevity.  Supposing that one thousand families in this city, would be constant customers for infants flesh, besides others who might have it at merry meetings, particularly at weddings and christenings, I compute that Dublin would take off annually about twenty thousand carcasses; and the rest of the kingdom (where probably they will be sold somewhat cheaper) the remaining eighty thousand.I can think of no one objection, that will possibly be raised against this proposal, unless it should be urged, that the number of people will be thereby much lessened in the kingdom. This I freely own, and 'twas indeed one principal design in offering it to the world. I desire the reader will observe, that I calculate my remedy for this one individual Kingdom of Ireland, and for no other that ever was, is, or, I think, ever can be upon Earth. Therefore let no man talk to me of other expedients: Of taxing our absentees at five shillings a pound: Of using neither cloaths, nor houshold furniture, except what is of our own growth and manufacture: Of utterly rejecting the materials and instruments that promote foreign luxury: Of curing the expensiveness of pride, vanity, idleness, and gaming in our women: Of introducing a vein of parsimony, prudence and temperance: Of learning to love our country, wherein we differ even from Laplanders, and the inhabitants of Topinamboo: Of quitting our animosities and factions, nor acting any longer like the Jews, who were murdering one another at the very moment their city was taken: Of being a little cautious not to sell our country and consciences for nothing: Of teaching landlords to have at least one degree of mercy towards their tenants. Lastly, of putting a spirit of honesty, industry, and skill into our shop-keepers, who, if a resolution could now be taken to buy only our native goods, would immediately unite to cheat and exact upon us in the price, the measure, and the goodness, nor could ever yet be brought to make one fair proposal of just dealing, though often and earnestly invited to it.  Therefore I repeat, let no man talk to me of these and the like expedients, 'till he hath at least some glympse of hope, that there will ever be some hearty and sincere attempt to put them into practice.But, as to my self, having been wearied out for many years with offering vain, idle, visionary thoughts, and at length utterly despairing of success, I fortunately fell upon this proposal, which, as it is wholly new, so it hath something solid and real, of no expence and little trouble, full in our own power, and whereby we can incur no danger in disobliging England. For this kind of commodity will not bear exportation, and flesh being of too tender a consistence, to admit a long continuance in salt, although perhaps I could name a country, which would be glad to eat up our whole nation without it.After all, I am not so violently bent upon my own opinion as to reject any offer proposed by wise men, which shall be found equally innocent, cheap, easy, and effectual. But before something of that kind shall be advanced in contradiction to my scheme, and offering a better, I desire the author or authors will be pleased maturely to consider two points. First, as things now stand, how they will be able to find food and raiment for an hundred thousand useless mouths and backs. And secondly, there being a round million of creatures in human figure throughout this kingdom, whose whole subsistence put into a common stock would leave them in debt two millions of pounds sterling, adding those who are beggars by profession to the bulk of farmers, cottagers, and laborers, with their wives and children who are beggars in effect: I desire those politicians who dislike my overture, and may perhaps be so bold as to attempt an answer, that they will first ask the parents of these mortals, whether they would not at this day think it a great happiness to have been sold for food, at a year old in the manner I prescribe, and thereby have avoided such a perpetual scene of misfortunes as they have since gone through by the oppression of landlords, the impossibility of paying rent without money or trade, the want of common sustenance, with neither house nor clothes to cover them from the inclemencies of the weather, and the most inevitable prospect of entailing the like or greater miseries upon their breed for ever.   I profess, in the sincerity of my heart, that I have not the least personal interest in endeavoring to promote this necessary work, having no other motive than the public good of my country, by advancing our trade, providing for infants, relieving the poor, and giving some pleasure to the rich. I have no children by which I can propose to get a single penny; the youngest being nine years old, and my wife past child-bearing.  The End